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| Bob sure loves this girl! |
Day 12 and 13 - People come and go. Relatives from near and far stop by. Dad continues to deteriorate. He smiles when we do something for him but he now slips in and out with the morphine. When the hospice nurse, Holly, evaluates him Friday morning, we up the level of his medication significantly. I learn how to alter the does to minimize the pain and watch for signs of the next step. She shows me how to administer other drugs for end-of-life issues too. It is all I can do to focus on what she is telling me.
Tristan gets in about dinner time Friday. I tell him not to expect too much. Dad recognizes him immediately and is all smiles. He loves having Tristan visit and they spend 30 minutes together. I slip out to have dinner with Tristan. I am so thankful for his company.
Back at the house for night duty. Getting up every few hours to administer the drugs now to help dad stay comfortable. Gus tries to get on the sofa with me. I don't blame him but there is just not enough room for me and 140 pounds of dog on the same sofa.
Day 14 - Florence slips out at 7 AM to spend the morning with her sister, Rosa. I am thrilled she is taking some time for herself. Dad wakes at 8 AM. We both come to realize he is no longer able to lift his legs. No problem, I'll help him. I lift his legs and he screams in pain. Back to recalculate the amount of pain killer. He is having trouble speaking. Late afternoon he loses the ability to swallow any food.
Call to Holly the nurse for advice. She sends out nurse on call, Nicole. John arrives. I am never so happy to see him. Florence is happy for reinforcements too. We all quietly wait for the nurse to arrive.
After evaluation by Nicole, we all agree dad has entered the final stage, "actively dying". Everything about it is grim. Dad is now "dead weight" and even changing him is requires two people.
I feel guilty but John and I go out for dinner so I can escape the house for a few hours. Back in time for the all night shift.
Day 15 - Dad is breathing but no longer responsive. No smile, no hand squeeze. I continue to administer the pain killer so he is comfortable. No food or drink.
John comes by but shortly leaves to go back home. My heart sinks.
Nicole the nurse is back. Dad's vitals are worse as he continues the slide down. He can no longer control his own body temperature. My niece, who is visiting, helps administer medication with the Nicole since it takes two people. She returns before bedtime and I assist her. I am very thankful for Beth's help.
I love him so much. I pray for mercy.
